Self-Esteem – Does this dress make me look fat?

June 13, 2014 Self Esteem

Most men dread being asked such a question. They feel as though they are skating on thin ice, being either caught in a lie or an insult. Most men make the mistake of thinking it is a yes or no question.

How would I answer that question? I would offer the truth, but to the real question rather than just the words spoken. There is a great difference between listening and hearing. There is also a great difference in how men and women think and communicate. The question may have nothing at all to do with the dress but, rather, to whether he still finds her attractive.

During the years when I was doing marriage counselling, I often dealt with people who had lived together for years but had made little or no effort into learning to communicate with each other on a deeper level. They didn’t know how to make each other feel special or how to deal with disputes. Many lived together strictly for convenience. They never really experienced a marriage.

When we truly listen to someone, we need to give them our undivided attention without trying to think of what we are going to say next. We should lean forward slightly and acknowledge what is being said with nods or verbal comments. We don’t have to be in agreement with what the other is saying but we do need to allow them to have a voice.

Do you come home from work tired and stressed out? Rather than dumping your woes on your partner, that is the perfect time to inquire how their day went and what interesting things happened to them. This has the dual reward of making your partner feel special as well as reducing the stress hormones you have been harbouring.

Women’s brains have far more connections than those of men and it is for that reason that men seem dumb to them. Women, on the other hand, can appear scatter-brained to men. Both need the company of their own sex but lose greatly if they do not make the effort to understand the other. The true purpose of a marriage is to help one’s partner become the very best they can be, which is far different than shaping them into the image they would like them to be.



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8 responses for Self-Esteem – Does this dress make me look fat?

  1. Donna W. says:

    How much easier it would be if we came pre-programmed knowing what to do and automatically acted on that knowledge. However; it seems that life has other plans and constantly challenges us to find and apply this knowledge on our own. Fortunately, if we listen to our heart and look very closely both inside and out, we often find that the supports we need are already in place, just waiting for us to acknowledge them.

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